A Crock of Crazies
Pairing wine with movies! See the trailers and hear the fascinating commentary for these movies, and many more, at Trailers From Hell. This week, a trio of movies about people who operate way outside the norm. There are crazy wine pairings to go with each.
Maniac Cop is a 1988 slasher flick which the title gives away: a cop is the bad guy. That might have been a tougher sell thirty-eight years ago than it is today. Of course, “defund the zombie cops” might have turned into a thing even back then. If you didn’t see Maniac Cop in the theaters, don’t let it slip on social media. It wasn’t a money-maker, but enough paying customers lined up that there were two sequels. I guess the writer-producer kept hoping the idea would catch on. Director William Lustig probably had his hopes up, too.
The cop in question was framed, sent to Sing Sing, then killed in the shower. But, you can’t keep a bad cop down. He resurrected himself and came back for vengeance. With the setup, a stint in the graybar hotel, and a prison murder, it sounds like his kill list might have been rather lengthy. Not to worry. He’s a maniac cop, remember. Killing comes easily to him.
The prison doc who did his autopsy reveals that, at the time, the corpse showed signs of life. Well, there’s a guy who’s on the list with a bullet. “He may not have been quite dead” is a fairly weak alibi for doing an autopsy on a living person.
If you can’t stand anymore, and I surely can’t, let’s drink. The Cordant Maniacal GSM is a Paso Robles blend of, well, Grenache, Syrah, and Mourvedre. Do we have to spell it out? It’s a $25 trip into Rhone-style craziness.
https://cordantwinery.orderport.net/product-details/0224/2021-maniacal-gsm
1972’s Three on a Meathook offers the kind of entertainment you might expect from that title. If I told you three girls go to the lake for the weekend, would you expect them to be back at school on Monday? If I throw in mentions of car trouble, getting a ride with a stranger, and “He lives with his dad,” would you feel like you just read the script? I know you would.
TFH legend Eli Roth goes on and on about the trailer for this movie. He describes how the trailer goes on and on while a serious voiceover goes on and on about nothing in particular, ending with the film’s title. Roth points out that the film actually has three women on three different meathooks, which sounds like false advertising. It also sounds like a spoiler alert I should have mentioned earlier. But what are you expecting with Three on a Meathook? None on a meathook? Sorry if I spoiled the ending for you.
I had high hopes for wine pairings from a Brooklyn butcher known as Meat Hook. They suggested sake for roast beef. I suggest we keep looking. There’s a cocktail called The Meat Hook, but we want wine, man, wine. Nothing goes with meathooks like a good Cabernet Sauvignon, so let’s pop a cork. Smith and Hook’s Paso Robles Reserve Cabernet Sauvignon is just sitting there, waiting for a rib eye steak to come along. $50.
https://www.smithandhook.com/cabernet-sauvignon-reserve.html
A good, old fashioned slasher movie, Maniac came from 1980, directed by William Lustig, formerly of the world of adult videos. You get the opportunity to come up above ground, and this is what you make?
The villain in Maniac is a goofy looking guy who gets his jollies by murdering young women, scalping them, and adorning his mannequin collection with the bloody hairpieces. I understand the film now has a cult following. Of course it does, and what a great cult to join. The meetings must be buzzing with its members’ favorite mutilation memories. Can I just jump to the wine pairing now? Thank you.
Orin Swift makes a California Chardonnay called Mannequin. The label even shows some, which have yet to be graced with a head of hair. Get yours for $48. Be careful when you cut off that foil cap.
Randy Fuller
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