Nuclear Blowout

by Randy Fuller Jun 23, 2021

Pairing‌‌‌ ‌‌‌wine‌‌‌ ‌‌‌with‌‌‌ ‌‌‌movies!‌‌‌  ‌‌‌See‌‌‌ ‌‌‌the‌‌‌ ‌‌‌trailers‌‌‌ ‌‌‌and‌‌‌ ‌‌‌hear‌‌‌ ‌‌‌the‌‌‌ ‌‌‌fascinating‌‌‌ ‌‌‌commentary‌‌‌ ‌‌‌for‌‌‌ ‌‌‌these‌‌‌ ‌‌‌‌‌movies‌,‌‌ ‌‌‌and‌‌‌ ‌‌‌many‌‌‌ ‌‌‌more‌,‌‌ ‌‌‌at‌‌‌ ‌‌‌Trailers‌‌‌ ‌‌‌From‌‌‌ ‌‌‌Hell.‌‌‌  This week we examine three films which deal with the atomic age, in one way or another.

When I did a Google search for 2017’s Atomic Blonde – just to make sure I already knew everything – Google showed me a few questions being asked by others about the movie.  One of them was, “Is Atomic Blonde worth watching?”

If you need to ask Google if a movie suits you, you have probably been reading too many Google ads in your email inbox.  How about you take a flyer on your own sensibilities and wildly risk the two hours it takes to actually find out if it’s worth it?  Besides, Charlize Theron is in it, ya idiot!  Why wouldn’t you watch?

Theron plays a late-1980s spy who is one of a large handful of spies chasing down a list of double agent spies.  There is quite a bit of pretty solid action, most of it involving Theron.  It is a rather complicated bit of scripting, however.  “Oh, gee, does that mean it’s not worth it?”  No, it doesn’t.

The super spy of Atomic Blonde does not go for the James Bond type of alcoholic beverage.  She likes Stoli vodka, on ice.  There is no “shaken, not stirred” mystique with her choice.  It’s cold and direct: just bring the ice and leave the bottle.

1954’s The Atomic Kid stars Mickey Rooney as a guy prospecting for uranium in what is presumably the Nevada desert.  It sounds like “Andy Hardy Goes to Area 51.”  Rooney was 34 at the time, and still playing roles defined as “kid.”  The kid finds himself at ground zero for a nuclear test blast.  Don’t worry – he closed his eyes and plugged his ears, so he survived.  He did become radioactive, however.  Hilarity ensues.  The script came from a story by Blake Edwards, who managed to shoehorn a love angle into the proceedings.  That is a helluva meet-cute.

Scientists say there is a little radioactivity in everything, including the wine we drink.  Don’t worry about it, though – it’s not enough radiation to make us glow in the dark.  Wouldn’t that be fun, though?  I was in a bar once when a street team came in and handed out glow sticks.  The patrons promptly bit the ends off of them, and soon everyone was speckled with the glowing contents of those sticks.  Pop open a cold can of Nuclear Wine to pair with The Atomic Kid, the wine which says “Yes we CAN.”  If you are still worried about the radiation, cop a move from Rooney’s character.  Close your eyes and hold your nose while you drink.

A Boy and His Dog is a 1975 vision of post-nuclear war America in 2024.  Well we’re getting pretty close to that time, so I suspect we should start looking for our jetpacks any day now.  It’s always quaint when the future time depicted in a movie actually clicks over on the calendar, instantly dating the film.  But who am I to suggest that a nuclear war won’t start and finish in the next three years?

If it does, let’s hope this movie’s depiction of survival is wrong.  A Boy and His Dog is a black comedy starring a young Don Johnson as Vic, who travels the land with his telepathic dog, who helps Vic find women with whom he can satisfy his insatiable sexual appetite.  Now that’s a puppy who is earning his Snausages.  However, Vic’s methods are tainted with rape. Food and sex, the tentpoles of the misogynistic future.

Some of the food would have to be Nuclear Winter barleywine.  It’s a French craft beer with the influence of oak cognac barrels.  At 16% alcohol, you might think it’s a wine.  After a few bottles, you might even think your dog is telepathic.  Just don’t start doing whatever he says.

Randy Fuller
NowAnd Zin Wine –
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