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Furry Woodland Critters

by Randy Fuller Dec 30, 2020

Pairing‌ ‌wine‌ ‌with‌ ‌movies!‌  ‌See‌ ‌the‌ ‌trailers‌ ‌and‌ ‌hear‌ ‌the‌ ‌fascinating‌ ‌commentary‌ ‌for‌ ‌these‌ ‌movies‌, ‌and‌ ‌many‌ ‌more‌, ‌at‌ ‌Trailers‌ ‌From‌ ‌Hell.‌  ‌This week, we have wine pairings for three films which feature fuzzy woodland critters of one sort or another.  Maybe they are the kind you’ve been seeing out the window during these pandemically challenged times.  Or, maybe they are the things of your pandemic nightmares.  Cheers, drink up!

Drinking with Bambi?  You’re damn right.  In case you haven’t heard, things are different during pandemic times.  The 1942 animated Disney classic has broken the hearts of youngsters for eight decades.  There is reportedly a remake/sequel in the works.  My guess is that in the new version, hearts will still be broken, Bambi will still be a boy deer and kids will still be scarred for life at the sight of venison sausage. There may, however, be a Second Amendment issue to deal with.

With lean deer meat, a Pinot Noir is often a good pairing, especially a more elegant offering. Try a Burgundy with your venison, or this wonderful New Zealand bottling.  If you have a few extra bucks – ahem – lying around, try a Napa wine from Stags’ Leap.

1988’s Critters 2 was the first feature directing job for Mick Garris.  The sci-fi is set a couple of years after the initial Critters movie and would be followed by Critters 3 and Critters 4.  Somebody just couldn’t get enough critters.  The little monsters reappear on earth and are set to make all of us the main course.  A hero steps up, however, and saves the day.  I hope that spoiler doesn’t ruin the viewing experience for you.

“Critter” wines are those which rely on cartoonish animal characterizations on the label to make the product more attractive to busy shoppers.  You see them every time you shop for wine – cute little kitties, ducks, chickens and puppies adorn countless bottles of wine.  One of the most offensive examples is Bearboat wine, which depicts two bears in a rowboat.  Drink fast, so you can throw the bottle away sooner.

The 1989 black comedy Meet the Feebles looks like a Peter Jackson pre-hobbit fever dream.  Muppet-like characters are cast as members of a horrifically twisted and violent theater troupe.  The poster for the movie shows a hippo in a party dress hoisting a machine gun, and that tells you all you need to know about whether you should drink while watching.

For Meet the Feebles, lets find a black wine for this black comedy.  I’m thinking of a Malbec from Cahors.  That French region is known for its dark-times-three wine.  Georges Vigouroux’s Pigmentum – “that which colors” – is a nice choice, and easy on the wallet, too, at about $12.